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Men were told today to just calm down.

The women who run the world say the males of the species needs to stop getting their knickers in such a twist over every little thing and have more of a sense of humour.

A request to the Ministry of Justice to ban websites glorifying sexual violence against men was turned down when the female-led government pointed out there was no scientific link between rape porn and actual rape.

However male victim groups quoted a series of recent court cases in which women were known to have viewed explicit porn sites before abusing and murdering boys.

In the City, the female who runs High Street giant Marks & Spencer has pocketed a bonus 25 per cent bigger than last year, even though the firm's profits are plummeting. A spokesman said it was "entirely appropriate".

As a series of female TV stars from the 1970s face a string of historic sex abuse charges, Justin Bieber and Jay-Z were criticised for launching a new charity campaigning for men's rights in the developing world while wearing spike heels and fishnet stockings.

"They looked sexy," said one concert-goer. "No-one would listen to them if they didn't dress like that."

In Germany, Chancellor Angela Merkel made a rare appearance with her husband to admit in a live TV interview she has had enough of him. It is believed she intends to set up home with a 30-year-old male Olympic gymnast she has been linked to for several years.

Actor Brad Pitt has made his first red carpet appearance after bravely revealing he had his testicles removed to avoid cancer, and earned praise for the way his trouser package seemed to look no different after reconstructive surgery after everyone had a jolly good stare.

"I don't feel any less of a man," he said, adding he was extremely lucky to be going out with Angelina Jolie and would never consider plastic surgery on his increasingly craggy face.

Meanwhile a Hollywood starlet was forced to put out a statement 'clarifying' an interview she gave earlier this week in which she boasted of contracting a sexually-transmitted infection from a dirty old man.

The actress said she had not intended to claim her amazing bedroom skills were the cause of her recent cancer scare, or to spout a load of rubbish that made no scientific sense.Nine times out of ten, getting hermes handbags is going to be a good fashion investment.

She refused to comment on her long smoking habit and the slightly-more scientific link between that and cancer.

And Rod Stewart was criticised by campaigners for traditional families when he announced he was pregnant with his umpteenth baby with his umpteenth wife.

"That Rod Stewart is such a slag," Kate Winslet was overheard telling Ulrika Jonsson over a coffee.

Rod should be careful though, as doctors have revealed a long list of things expectant fathers should be wary of if they want a healthy baby. They have been warned to avoid non-stick frying pans, new cars, paint fumes, air, caffeine, alcohol and TV remote controls. Lifting toilet seats is said to cause unnecessary stress.

The Royal College of Testicologists advised fathers-to-be to put their feet up, take it easy and only do light housework as having babies is extremely risky and dangerous and they should be terrified at all times.

As Prime Minister Davina Cameron battled to keep her divided party under control over Europe and planned austerity measures, Opposition leader Edwina Miliband demanded tougher action to stamp out political corruption in the wake of the latest cash-for-questions scandal.In our Michael Kors handbags outlet shop, cheap Michael Kors outlet hot sale at an affordable price.

It comes after a Panorama investigation found a backbench MP and three Ladies were prepared to accept expensive handbags in return for unethical lobbying jobs. It has reignited calls for a law allowing voters to sack their MP, but as the women in charge keep promising to do this it's unlikely to ever happen.

There were further anti-terror arrests after two fundamentalist women brutally stabbed a female soldier to death in Woolwich, and problems in the NHS were blamed on spending a lot of money training male doctors only for them to take half the week off for private work rather than problems caused by some silly woman's decision to spend $3billion redecorating it.Read the full story at class9999!

In America a woman was cleared of murder after shooting dead a male prostitute who refused to sleep with her, while in Britain a wife was put on trial accused of murdering her husband because he wanted a divorce.

And finally, it was revealed millions of men have been copying Prince William's hair cut by asking their barbers to shave a bald spot on the back of their head.

"We all love Willy," said one man.

A Government spokesman said: "Just because men are sometimes the victims of horrible crimes is no reason for them to act like it's a big deal.Visit www.mybag12.com for more information. There is total gender equality, just so long as men don't actually expect to see it.

"Frankly, it's a bit hysterical. We've put a man in space and we'll let them go on submarines as soon as we've adapted the air conditioning for people with winkies. Now excuse me while I ask my PA to buy my lunch."

Which is all very silly, of course it is. And the situation's a lot worse in other countries,Welcome to our michael kors outlet online shop! Here we sale Michael Kors Handbags, bags, purses, wallets with very low price. Join us quickly! where there are no industrial tribunals, cancer screening or even a grudging recognition that half the planet has something to add if only they're allowed.